Happiness Is A Choice
After exiting the growing real estate bubble by selling our home, our intention was to take a year-long travel adventure across America in a recreational vehicle. We would submit our adoption paperwork before leaving and keep our eyes peeled during our road trip for the perfect place to call our next home. Then we’d decide whether it was better to buy another home or rent. We were ecstatic about the prospect of living as vagabonds for awhile before welcoming a child into our lives.
But then, two months later, my mother was diagnosed with leukemia.
Whoa. Not only did our trip preparation come to a screeching halt, but so did my carefree and positive outlook. My mom wasn’t just family — she was one of my dearest friends. She was only 59, she’d always been extremely active and up until this point, she’d been the model of perfect health. I was completely thrown for a loop.
My mom came to live with my husband and me for much of her two-and-a-half-year-long battle with cancer. I watched helplessly as her once strong body weakened, withered and starved. I’ve never before felt such intense and prolonged pain.
I realized I had to do something to avoid going completely out of my mind with fear, grief and overwhelm. I tried all the usual things: support groups, therapy, sleep. While these things certainly helped, I discovered something even better. And it was so ridiculously simple.
During this intensely difficult time, I realized that I could be happy anyway.
How? I made it my mission to look for at least five things each day that make my heart melt, my soul sing and my smile grow. I wrote a list of five happy moments everyday. I actively searched for things to add to my list. My focus changed and in turn, so did my mood. I learned that happiness takes practice. With practice, I developed a habit of feeling happy.
At first I felt like a traitor. How could I think about happy things while my mom suffered? Was I being unfair, insensitive? Fortunately, I realized that I couldn’t be a good caregiver for my mom when I felt bad. Fortunately, I chose happiness over guilt.
My Takeaway: It isn’t circumstance that dictates whether you live a happy life; it is a matter of choice.
Bonus: Happy people make more money!
The morning I calculated our net worth to be north of one million dollars, we were living in a rented apartment, driving a six-year-old car, and wearing used consignment store clothes. At age 40, we were “closet” millionaires.
I’ll never forget the walk we took that beautiful, sunny day. We lived in a nicely landscaped, well-appointed apartment complex half a block from a neighborhood park. Directly to the west of our community stood hundreds of $500,000 McMansions.
During our entire 20 minute walk, we saw no one else out and about. Where were our neighbors?
I suppose the kids were at school and the adults were at work.
I felt like a bird who had just been set free from the confines of its cage. My husband and I, completely unhindered by debt and financial obligations, had found freedom. Unlike our neighbors, we didn’t need to go to work!
Contrary to popular belief, most millionaire households do not live the extravagant lifestyles that many assume. In fact, a millionaire or two may be living inconspicuously next door to you. The authors of the bestseller, The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy found the top reason for why some people manage to accumulate wealth is that they live below their means. Many millionaires have found that living in a status neighborhood is not only a poor value, but it makes one feel the need to keep buying status objects to keep up with the Joneses.
My Takeaway: Live life your way, not like the Joneses.
Two Becomes Three
This dream of mine took ten years to come to fruition, but we had stuck to it and we reached our goal: to be financially-free before starting our family.
We submitted our adoption paperwork and eight months later, while vacationing in Hawaii, we received our daughter’s referral picture.
Since bringing our daughter home from China, we’ve scaled way back on our construction business and work only when we want to. We can afford to be selective in the projects we accept. I hired a bookkeeper to replace me so that I could focus my time, energy and attention on parenting and pursuing my hobbies. Additionally, I’ve learned how to effectively manage our investment portfolio in such a way that this task requires just one or two hours per month of my time.
Our family hasn’t set an alarm clock in years. Whether it be work, parenting or play, we wake with the sun, eager to spend each new day doing whatever we choose. For us, this is financial freedom.
My Takeaway: Hold fast to your dreams and they will come true.
… to be continued!
The beginning of this series started here: How I Became A Millionaire: Childhood
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