Want To Be Rich And Happy? You NEED To Know This…

by Millionaire Mommy Next Door on January 8, 2010

in About Me,Happiness,Inspiration,Success Principles

I’m going to share something with you today that you really need to understand – on a gut level – before you can be rich and happy. Are you ready? Here it is:

Even if you learn ALL there is to know about money (how to make it, save it, invest it), if your relationships with others OR YOURSELF are dysfunctional, you will NEVER reach your full abundance potential.

Years ago, I used to bitch, moan and complain with certain people because it seemed to bring us closer together. Misery likes company, so I sometimes feigned misery so these people would like me. I didn’t want to make anyone feel jealous or envious either, so I talked myself down. It seemed so PC (politically correct).

I learned the hard way that this didn’t do anyone any favors. I curbed this behavior… and I grew wealthy and happy.

I hear from these certain individuals now only when something difficult is occurring in my life. When I’m all smiles and gratitude, I rarely hear a peep from them.

Similarly, a reader suggested that I make some people feel depressed by expressing my satisfaction, gratitude and happiness. He/she said that I should express more humility instead.

Perhaps my blog’s traffic would increase if I discussed the mess my past bookkeeper made of our financial records (and the subsequent late report penalties), the slow down of our construction business during the Great Recession, the exhaustion I feel after two back-to-back colds, or the disturbing mystery behind a missing in-law. We all know that bad news sells. The media is full of tragedy, fear and despair because it works to increase circulation and readership.

But I don’t want to write about bad things, even if it would drive my blog’s traffic to new heights. Sure, bad news sells, but I don’t want to invite that kind of attention. If I focused on hardships, I’d feel like a car wreck on the side of the highway – the type that drivers can’t help but slow down to gawk at (even though we know we’ll get grossed out). I’d be attracting negative thoughts into my mind and people that choose to focus on negativity into my life. No, thanks!

I write to express myself and to share the steps I take to live a fuller, richer, happier life. By doing so, I actively practice my intentions and keep aligned on what is important to me. It brings a higher caliber of relationships into my life, and it gives me the strength to deal with the occasional curve ball thrown my way.

Here are some of the valuable lessons I’ve learned through the University of Hard Knocks:

We become the company we keep. Like attracts like. Be negative and you’ll attract negativity; be positive and you will attract positive relationships into your life.

Limit your exposure to toxic people. We all have them – friends, family or co-workers – that seem hell-bent on bringing us down to their level.  Immunize yourself from their poison by maintaining healthy personal boundaries. Don’t be a martyr, learn to say no. When someone near you behaves badly, don’t engage with them — walk away if you must. Be a positive role model instead. Perhaps you’ll inspire them (when they are personally ready) by modeling a different, healthier attitude.

Envy and jealousy will get you exactly what you don’t want. Acknowledge these feelings, then release them and let go. Compare yourself not to others, but only to your best self.

Don’t be pressured into humility. Definitions of humble include:

  • cause to feel shame; hurt the pride of
  • low or inferior in station or quality
  • marked by meekness or modesty

These definitions don’t fit with a healthy, positive self-esteem, do they?

Choose to use different language. The language you use directs your actions and therefore the path your life takes.

  • Avoid three dirty little words: try, can’t, and but.
  • When someone asks, “how are you?” don’t whine back, “I stepped in dog puke getting out of bed this morning, then I burned my toast, and now I gotta suffer through a dentist appointment…”. Instead, respond with something that is joyfully perfect in your world like, “I just had thee best grilled cheese sandwich for lunch!”

Limit your exposure to mass media. Pull the plug on bad news. Be selective – record uplifting, humorous and educational programs and keep the boob-tube turned off otherwise. I don’t know who was murdered, what poor child was abducted and from where, and who blew up how many people today, and you know what? I don’t want to know!

Focus on the bright side of life. I promise – there is always a bright side! What you think about is what you will get. Practice this skill by keeping a gratitude journal.

Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Live your life from this day forward.


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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

kristi January 8, 2010 at 9:19 pm

I think this is such an important point because there are people in the world that would be considered rich in a monetary sense but I don’t consider them as living in abundance. If you follow your wonderful lessons listed here, you’ll find true abundance in ALL areas of your life. Thanks for an inspiring post!

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Alessandro Machi January 8, 2010 at 10:33 pm

After I witnessed the media railroad Hillary Clinton in the 2008 democratic race, somebody suggested I stop watching Keith Olbermann and MSNBC who believed were her biggest detractors. I thought that was crazy advice since I felt it was important to expose the lies Olbermann was telling about Hillary Clinton.

When I finally stopped watching most of what MSNBC had to offer (including Olbermann), I actually did feel a lot better. As crazy as it sounds, I have found Seinfeld to be a show that gets better every time I see it.

Seinfeld or Olbermann, it’s not even close.

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Bobby Huang January 8, 2010 at 10:34 pm

Finally you start writing more! I’ve been waiting! Spread it out though, don’t burn yourself out like I have in the past.

Your lessons on “University of Hard Knocks” is great. Every single point is very valuable, especially not being around toxic people. I’m going to do a post on your lessons. I especially like “Limit your exposure to mass media.” Which many other great people recommend as well.

The secret we should learn on a gut level is something I learned first hand as well. I didn’t realize until recently how important relationships are in my life. It is actually one reason I decided to quit my job recently, the environment and the people were getting all bad in my head and my attitude was terrible. We get what we reflect, so my bad attitude made everything even worse.

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Amber January 8, 2010 at 10:50 pm

Great post! Spread the word of positive thought!

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Akemi - Yes to Me January 9, 2010 at 12:08 am

Absolutely.
Regarding the bad news sells issue — I finally understood blog traffic matters little to me. Sure, I’d like to see it go up, but it affects my business only so much. I’m sure the kind of traffic who seek bad news are especially hard to convert to coaching and other self-improvement business clients. We are not ABC News, which makes money directly off the traffic.
So don’t worry about the people who want bad news and humiliate you. (Philosophically, humility and humiliation are different. True humility is a good thing — it means you know where you stand in your relationship with God and other humans — no more and no less than who you really are.)

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Evan January 9, 2010 at 1:03 am

I think it is important to focus on the possibilities of what we can do (few of us realise our full potential I think).

Talking about the difficulties encountered in doing this and how we overcome them can help immensely to let others know how to do the same. This is different to focusing on the negative I think.

I think I come from the opposite direction – I spent lots of time focusing on relationships with others and myself and ignoring money – result: poverty.

thanks for a great post

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Debbie January 9, 2010 at 7:42 am

Thank you! I have been a firm believer in what I think creates my world. I stopped listening to the news a few years ago and decided last year I was going to boycott the Recession. You know what? I had the best year personally, emotionally and financially in 2009!

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Cyn January 9, 2010 at 9:12 am

Beautiful and well said! But it takes more than just avoiding negative self-talk and mass media to develop a good relationship with yourself. For years and years I did my best to eliminate negative words about myself from my conversations. Because I agree, no one wants to hear about the dental appointment gone awry. The problem was the inner chatting (blame, guilt, fear, etc…) was still going on inside. It was driving me nuts and knew I had to make some changes quick, or risk living the rest of my life this way. So last year I made a commitment to quiet that chatter, and I started meditating. I’ve developed a steady routine and have noticed significant improvements in my life and in my relationships not just with myself and others, but with money as well.

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Alessandro Machi January 9, 2010 at 9:31 am

Just be careful not to fall into the “Serenity Now” trap. (a Seinfeld reference).

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Heather January 9, 2010 at 9:49 am

Great post! It is important to focus on positive and cut out as much negative as possible. I have found that choosing my friends is extremely important…. we do become like those we are around. Also, DECIDING how to act/speak not following my fickle feelings makes a HUGE difference.
Thanks for the reminders…
Heather

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jacqjolie January 9, 2010 at 10:06 am

There’s also value in acknowledging a problem or issue and then moving into the solution phase rather than moaning about it ad nauseum. I’ve had two Christmases become a little more interesting due to being held hostage by these downer people. The one phrase that they hate to hear is “What are you planning to DO about it?”
And I’ve had to tell one friend that I was really tired of hearing about her complaints. These are people who live in the past, are trapped in the stories that they’ve told themselves about the situation and get some kind of reward by appearing to be a martyr / victim. Don’t acknowledge their victimhood and they will go somewhere else to get the fix they need.

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Cynthia Morris January 9, 2010 at 10:53 am

Hear, hear! Thank you for articulating this. When I became a coach, I was delighted to have awareness and attention on what’s working, rather than what’s not working. Acknowledging and championing people goes a lot further than colluding and complaining.

I like how you’ve linked this draining energy to our financial health. It makes sense. I’m going to put some thought into your point about our relationships with ourselves. I am blessed to be surrounded by incredibly intelligent, kind, funny and empowered people. It’s my own inner critic that needs to be tamed. I’ll lure it out with promises of world domination and then give it a good talking to!

Thanks again for this article. It’s great to see you posting more. I’m a big fan!

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Laura Jo Richins January 9, 2010 at 11:36 am

This is a great post and a good reminder for the new year. Please keep sharing your abundance. It’s easy to go find all the negative and I choose to not go there. I spend my time reading about abundance, prosperity, and joy, because that is what I have in my life. Thanks, Jen!

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Pastor Jimmy Kibler January 9, 2010 at 2:34 pm

We become the company we keep. That is the most important. If you want to become rich hang with rich people. I used to hang out with so called dirt bags and after I got out of the joint, I decided I needed new friends. I picked rich successful people to be my new friends. I am now financially successful and am moving up more and more all the time.

Another thing is to be careful what goes in your ear because what you listen to will also affect your file. Case in point, people who listen to gangster rap music.

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Jeni January 9, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Thanks for the great post! I add “should” to those not to say words too. Blessings!
-Jeni

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deb January 9, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Hi Jen,
Just reading the paragraph of tragedy made my hear rate rise and my breathing a little more shallow, I couldn’t wait to get it over with and get on to the next paragraph. I’m taking this as a reminder that negative is NOT my thing and know its not yours. I love how you bring life into prospective, and if a reminder every now and than makes us push to be a better person, I’m all in. You are a great inspiration to many of us and I love how you proceed forward pushing the blogers negativity to one side as they have never existed. This is why your who you are, and I give you big hugs for that!

Thanks for being you,
Deb

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Laura January 10, 2010 at 11:33 am

Now this makes me wonder if I was the one who posted about humility? I tell myself I like humility, but I find myself talking about it – more than practicing it. Ha! I am with Bobby Huang – I am glad to receive your blog updates – it is the main fun reason that I check my e-mail! You are right Jen if I want to read about what is all wrong in the world, I will listen to the news. You present solutions which is refreshing! Keep them coming Woman! Yahoo!

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Rachael January 10, 2010 at 11:38 am

I thought your blog was very interesting and I like alot that you said. I am on my journey to becoming a millionaire and although I am starting from scratch and it seems to be taking forever I think I am on the right track :) Thanks again for the advice!

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Jerry January 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I don’t find your blog to be lacking in humility at all! Humility is NOT the same as negativity, and nobody should feel compelled to be negative about things. Humility is recognizing the greatness outside of yourself that leads to success. Humility is being happy and grateful. This is all wonderful advice you have posted, and I think that positivity offers people insurance for changing themselves for the better. Humility is wonderful, and I think you are doing a great job. =)
Jerry

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Danielle L Coleman January 10, 2010 at 10:11 pm

I absolutely applaud your intent to focus only on the positive. The fact is, life brings us challenges and “bad” things on a regular basis. We can’t necessarily control that, but we can control our reactions to those things, and we can choose what frame to put on the picture, so to speak. Thank you for adding to the positivity in the world, instead of contributing to the already-too-large mountain of negativity that is too easy to find.

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Lis January 11, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Thank you for not joining the bandwagon of negative media. I, for one, would quickly stop reading your blog if you posted unhappiness. It is very difficult to avoid negativity and stay focused on the positive, but it is something I strive to do. Thank you for helping!

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Brad January 11, 2010 at 10:54 pm

Looking on the bright side is required in today’s market! I find too many people are complaining about their income and financial hardships. They seem to be in a major rut and can’t look around to see that life is still pretty good!

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Carol January 14, 2010 at 3:49 am

Mmph! I’m almost in tears……….. this day has been such an enriching day, it’s no mistake that I am up at 2a.m. reading this blog, never read a blog didn’t kno how to get to one. Allow me to share a lil about my day. My husband and I received an eviction notice four days ago, been here two months, we have a seven year old son on the Autism Spectrum. We lived in a hotel for two months before coming here and looks like were on our way back. Well there is a org. here that assist the homeless, we went there today and it was such an experience!!! It opened my eyes to so many things. It made me realize that if we lose our things in storage it’s ok; if we lose our wedding rings in pawn it’s ok; if we don’t find an agency to assist us with our rent, it’s ok. Ha! I won’t get an attitude because today I know how to “react” to devastating situations. Others are more willing to assist you when you practice “Humility” they’ll even go out of their way. I’m a news fanatic! but we haven’t had a TV since we been here; I’ve realized that I can live without the media.I now listen to gospel radio, only the positive ! I stumble on your blog and you’ve said basically the same about the media. My husband now spends more time with our son and has grown to like Gospel Radio, when we had the big screen I had to limit what I watched because of him. Today, we ate dinner at the table for the first time in a probably a year. We may be days away from being homeless, I chose to think not, but if this is what we must go through to get to the other side then so be it. I will Religiously! read your Blog. My experience taught me that even though things are unsettled right now, things could always be worse I saw it with my own eyes yall. Things don’t always happen like I want them to, it’s a process, I have to be willing and meek and give encouraging words to others who are in a worse state of being; try to see the bright side in ALL things; and God forbid, do not be judgemental I don’t know what or why a person look, dress or live the way they do, I don’t know what they have been or is going through.My husband and I had a heartfelt talk for two hours after we got home. He has never opened up to me the way he did today and we’ll be married 8 yrs. on Feb. 14. Our wedding rings is only a token of our love and says we are married, today taught us that we need each other as a friend first and then a spouse; before today we only talked when we absolutely had too. Oooh!!! I could share so much more.
You keep bloggin the positive and I’m gonna join you. I’m grateful that your blog was here, I’ll be back tomorrow………

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Retired Syd January 15, 2010 at 1:41 am

“Similarly, a reader suggested that I make some people feel depressed by expressing my satisfaction, gratitude and happiness. He/she said that I should express more humility instead.”

Hmm, sounds like one of my readers . . .

I’m with you 100% on this post. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend about 20 years ago. I had just gotten married, just purchased a wonderful home, just started the job of my dreams. She asked me what’s next. I said “I have everything I want–I can’t imagine wanting anything more.” Her response was something to the effect that I wasn’t an interesting person anymore if I wasn’t longing for something. Working toward that next goal.

When I told another friend about this conversation, he said, “Well I understand where she’s coming from, no one wants to hear how perfect your life is.”

I do suffer from that disorder of generally being a very happy person. Go read Penelope Trunk’s post today–it never occurred to me that anyone would think this is a bad thing!

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Walter January 15, 2010 at 10:48 pm

I am oftentimes puzzled by the tendency of many people including myself to brood into negativity. Was it our nature to pamper what is unpleasant? Perhaps we do, otherwise the media wouldn’t use this proclivity when they circulate the latest carnage. In the light of the wisdom you have shared here, I believe that we are the ones who makes our lives miserable. Unless we look and choose the positive side of live, will continue to live a gloomy existence. :-)

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Celeste Murphy January 21, 2010 at 9:30 am

Love this! Thanks!

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mb January 24, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Per that reader who suggested you show more humility as not to depress others with your happiness, I say that no amount of feeling bad about something ever made it better. As Wayne Dyer says, you can’t cure lack or misery with more of the same. It’s only when you focus on abundance and joy will it come to you.

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Evan January 25, 2010 at 2:53 am

Hi mb, Another way is to fully express the feeling – embracing can lead to transcending.

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Karol Gajda January 26, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Hi Jen,

Thank you for sharing your stories!

I just stumbled upon your Web site today and have read a handful of articles. This one, in particular, really resonated with me. I absolutely love your approach. It’s so easy to be positive even if things aren’t going exactly as planned and it really does help in dealing with those things. Limiting exposure to toxic people has been my most difficult challenge, but in the past few years the benefits of doing so have been outstanding.

Karol

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Wenko February 23, 2010 at 8:29 am

This is my fave post of yours! I believe it’s inate for us to seek misery and focus on the negative. And this is a perfect wake up call for the hater in all of us. It is imperative for me and for everyone else to stop gravitating towards bad news and negativity and start moving forward and live life to the fullest. Whining and complaining will do nobody any good. I will definitely work harder to break my bad habits from this day on. Thanks Millionaire mom!

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Charlotte Prescott February 27, 2010 at 11:54 pm

Thanks for this post; it’s an accurate reminder that we create our own reality. I’ve found that following the “Complaint-Free World” concept has helped me to feel happier, even though a lot of significantly disastrous things have happened since I first read the book and slipped on their signature purple bracelet. Simply put: I feel better when I’m not whining, no matter what the circumstances are.

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Christina March 7, 2010 at 11:09 pm

love your post…I have a positive outlook in life, I believe in the law of attraction and it really interest me to read something like this, from someone who have proven it.

“Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Live your life from this day forward.” – if only people would learn to just let go of the past and live for the future…but then again everyone has its own way of treating the past, it’s either you dwell in the past and be miserable or learn from it and grow. I chose to live my life for what is now..and what is to come…

Thanks for such a great post.

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Lori June 14, 2010 at 1:38 pm

I needed to find this today. It seems silly to say but I feel like I am finally realizing that I shouldn’t have to adjust my happiness to keep others comfortable in my life. I am putting into actions measures to relieve me from having to befriend negative people. Being around toxic individuals had previously taken its toll on me in my professional life. It previously lead me to believing that I wasn’t happy but all the while I was content and happy. I have some very positive, nurturing, and upbeat personalities that I am so happy to have in my life. I am excited to find you today.

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wirba ibrahim September 25, 2010 at 1:37 am

i want to be rich i am very very poor

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ross April 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm

i think being rich will only make you so happy, but worrying about bills will definitely make you unhappy. Once you get past the point where bills aren’t something you have to think alot about, you have to work on other aspects of your life that make you happy. Like hobbies or some type of interest you enjoy and can turn into a business.

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Glenda October 17, 2011 at 8:25 am

This is good and powerful information that is much needed for young people as well as for any age….That’s what I’m talking about…..Having a RICH WEALTHY and POSSITIVE ATTITUDE

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Erhardt Enslin October 30, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Thanks for the inspiration, practice makes perfect.

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patrick November 2, 2011 at 2:22 am

I always was a happy person .did anything for anyone went out of my way to help people even spent my own money to help strangers not to mention friends. All I ever got I return was used ! I spoke right. To the right people always gave people a second chance. & still all I got was craped on .I’m done. Piss on people….&you should stop talking all that crap !! & start telling the truth….P.S. prove it.

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David May 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

I want to be rich,
I want to be healthy,
I want a girlfriend
and I want to be happy.
I live my life exactly as you wrote down since august 2011 (after watching the movie “secret”) and everything has changed. I’m something different now, something new, something I’m glad I had become. I can see life in its true beauty. I appreciate everything that life gave me and will give because I know what I want and I believe I can get it.
I’m glad there are people who can understand and enjoy happiness too and I’m glad I learned to see the pure happiness that was in front of my eyes my whole life.
I wish everyone a beautiful life!
P.S. Jen you have a gorgeous little girl :)
[sorry if i have any grammar mistakes]

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Garry Thomas July 9, 2012 at 10:24 am

Hi Jen, I’m so glad that I happened upon this blog, how uplifting and motivational is this for me at this point in my life. I want to encourage you to continue writing hte good news, it sold me!!!
God Bless you

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