Millionaire Mommy Next Door » About Me

Want To Be Rich And Happy? You NEED To Know This…

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 01:31:02 +0000

I’m going to share something with you today that you really need to understand – on a gut level – before you can be rich and happy. Are you ready? Here it is:

Even if you learn ALL there is to know about money (how to make it, save it, invest it), if your relationships with others OR YOURSELF are dysfunctional, you will NEVER reach your full abundance potential.

Years ago, I used to bitch, moan and complain with certain people because it seemed to bring us closer together. Misery likes company, so I sometimes feigned misery so these people would like me. I didn’t want to make anyone feel jealous or envious either, so I talked myself down. It seemed so PC (politically correct).

I learned the hard way that this didn’t do anyone any favors. I curbed this behavior… and I grew wealthy and happy.

I hear from these certain individuals now only when something difficult is occurring in my life. When I’m all smiles and gratitude, I rarely hear a peep from them.

Similarly, a reader suggested that I make some people feel depressed by expressing my satisfaction, gratitude and happiness. He/she said that I should express more humility instead.

Perhaps my blog’s traffic would increase if I discussed the mess my past bookkeeper made of our financial records (and the subsequent late report penalties), the slow down of our construction business during the Great Recession, the exhaustion I feel after two back-to-back colds, or the disturbing mystery behind a missing in-law. We all know that bad news sells. The media is full of tragedy, fear and despair because it works to increase circulation and readership.

But I don’t want to write about bad things, even if it would drive my blog’s traffic to new heights. Sure, bad news sells, but I don’t want to invite that kind of attention. If I focused on hardships, I’d feel like a car wreck on the side of the highway – the type that drivers can’t help but slow down to gawk at (even though we know we’ll get grossed out). I’d be attracting negative thoughts into my mind and people that choose to focus on negativity into my life. No, thanks!

I write to express myself and to share the steps I take to live a fuller, richer, happier life. By doing so, I actively practice my intentions and keep aligned on what is important to me. It brings a higher caliber of relationships into my life, and it gives me the strength to deal with the occasional curve ball thrown my way.

Here are some of the valuable lessons I’ve learned through the University of Hard Knocks:

We become the company we keep. Like attracts like. Be negative and you’ll attract negativity; be positive and you will attract positive relationships into your life.

Limit your exposure to toxic people. We all have them – friends, family or co-workers – that seem hell-bent on bringing us down to their level. Immunize yourself from their poison by maintaining healthy personal boundaries. Don’t be a martyr, learn to say no. When someone near you behaves badly, don’t engage with them — walk away if you must. Be a positive role model instead. Perhaps you’ll inspire them (when they are personally ready) by modeling a different, healthier attitude.

Envy and jealousy will get you exactly what you don’t want. Acknowledge these feelings, then release them and let go. Compare yourself not to others, but only to your best self.

Don’t be pressured into humility. Definitions of humble include:

cause to feel shame; hurt the pride of
low or inferior in station or quality
marked by meekness or modesty

These definitions don’t fit with a healthy, positive self-esteem, do they?

Choose to use different language. The language you use directs your actions and therefore the path your life takes.

Avoid three dirty little words: try, can’t, and but.
When someone asks, “how are you?” don’t whine back, “I stepped in dog puke getting out of bed this morning, then I burned my toast, and now I gotta suffer through a dentist appointment…”. Instead, respond with something that is joyfully perfect in your world like, “I just had thee best grilled cheese sandwich for lunch!”

Limit your exposure to mass media. Pull the plug on bad news. Be selective – record uplifting, humorous and educational programs and keep the boob-tube turned off otherwise. I don’t know who was murdered, what poor child was abducted and from where, and who blew up how many people today, and you know what? I don’t want to know!

Focus on the bright side of life. I promise – there is always a bright side! What you think about is what you will get. Practice this skill by keeping a gratitude journal.

Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Live your life from this day forward.

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Talent And Desire Are NOT Enough: What We Must Learn To Achieve Our Goals

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:17:47 +0000

The traditional view of achievement assumes that results come from a combination of talent and desire. Therefore, when you fail, it must be because you are not talented enough or that you don’t want it bad enough. However, failure also occurs when talent and desire are abundantly present — but optimism is missing!

Why is optimism an important ingredient for success? What makes some people view the glass as half full while others see it half empty? How are depression and pessimism related? Are optimists born or made? Can we unlearn pessimism? What can parents do to help their children grow optimistically?

My family, at least three generations deep, suffers from a genetic predisposition towards clinical, chronic depression. It would be fair to say that I didn’t always have the happiest of role models when I was growing up. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression (other than PMS-related symptoms). Why did I escape depression while many of my family members did not?

A therapist, who my entire family visited when I was a teenager, suggested that I had learned to cope by taking on the role of “hero child” in our dysfunctional family. The hero child is the one who fantasizes that if she accomplishes enough, then the whole family will be OK. The hero child is overly conscientious, over achieving, and constantly seeks approval. As the hero child of my family, it was my “job” to help everyone see the light and function well. I became our family’s cheerleader of optimism.

Then as a young adult, my experiences as an animal trainer and behaviorist taught me some useful cognitive skills. (Apparently rats, cats, dogs and humans tend to learn in similar ways!) I discovered how to avoid learned helplessness (giving up because you feel unable to change things) and how to reinforce my sense of personal control. In turn, personal control leads to optimism; and optimism can protect against depression, better your physical and mental well-being, and increase your level of achievement.

I’m reading a fascinating book: Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. Using evidence gleaned from scientific research done with dogs and people, Seligman demonstrates how optimism enhances the quality of life, explains how to break an “I give up” habit, and offers advice for parents who want to help their child(ren) become empowered by optimism.

What is a pessimist? Pessimists tend to:

believe bad events are enduring (will last a long time)
believe misfortunes are their own fault
undermine everything they do
get physically sick more often
get depressed more often
give up more easily

Optimists, who are dealt the same hard knocks, tend to:

believe defeat is just a temporary setback
believe defeat is confined to this one case
believe defeat is not their fault: circumstances, bad luck or other people brought it about
perceive bad situations as a challenge and try harder
do better in school and college
do better at work
do better in sports
exceed the predictions of aptitude tests
be more apt to be elected into public office
enjoy unusually good health
age well
live longer

How can I help my child learn optimism?

My daughter’s life didn’t start out well: she was abandoned at birth by a mother who could not/would not raise her; placed in a neglectful foster care situation for nine months; then uprooted from her native country to live in a place where very few look like her. In addition to these early traumatic events, maybe her birthmother suffered from depression during her pregnancy (aware that she’d have to give up her baby), which could have affected her developing fetus. When we adopted our daughter, she was emotionally withdrawn and shutdown.

What affects a child’s level of optimism? According to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of Learned Optimism, there is evidence for three kinds of influences:

How parents analyze and explain everyday occurrences: If my child hears me explain things optimistically, she will too. Optimism is learned. It is important that parents serve as positive role models.
The form of criticisms a child hears when she fails: If they are permanent (“You always make such a big mess”) and pervasive (“You are a slob”), her view of herself will turn toward pessimism. If the criticisms she hears have a temporary and specific message (“Your room tends to be messy after you have friends over to play“), she will be hopeful, empowered and optimistic.
The reality of her early losses and traumas: If her losses and trauma are permanent and pervasive, the seeds of hopelessness will be deeply planted. If they remit, she will develop the theory that bad events can be changed and conquered.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter’s strong spirit. She inspires me to see the glass as half full every day. Together, we practice optimism… and we blossom.

Considering the far-reaching and long-lasting effects that optimism has in all of our lives, I wholeheartedly recommend reading Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. It’s a national bestseller for good reason.

Podcast: Unconventional Path to Becoming a Millionaire

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:59:59 +0000

Recently, I responded to several questions posed by Flexo and Tom from Consumerism Commentary. They created a 21 minute podcast of our conversation. Here is a sampling of the content:

how I used apprenticeship programs as an alternative to formal schooling, to land a job, and then to hire my own employees
my motivation for becoming financially independent
how we purchased our first home
my decision to delay parenting
the somewhat “unconventional” financial steps I took that lead my husband and I across the millionaire threshold
why after 17 years of homeownership, we decided to become renters
a few of the ways I am raising our daughter using important life lessons I’ve learned

I think Flexo and Tom do a great job with their podcasts — so much so that I am considering hiring Tom to edit and polish some podcast material for my blog. As part of my book’s research, I am interviewing other first generation, self-made millionaires who are under the age of 55. I am recording these conversations. My intention is to include a variety of these financial success case studies and profiles to illustrate various principles in my book. Before I commit to the expense of creating podcasts, I want to know: Do you listen to and enjoy podcasts or do you prefer that I share these stories in written blog post format?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Please take a second to respond to the poll above, then head on over to Consumerism Commentary to listen to the podcast. I’d appreciate your feedback about this podcast — and your experience with podcasts in general — in the comments section. (Note: Email subscribers and RSS feed readers, you will need to click through to my blog to do so.) Thanks!