Millionaire Mommy Next Door » Book Review

Talent And Desire Are NOT Enough: What We Must Learn To Achieve Our Goals

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:17:47 +0000

The traditional view of achievement assumes that results come from a combination of talent and desire. Therefore, when you fail, it must be because you are not talented enough or that you don’t want it bad enough. However, failure also occurs when talent and desire are abundantly present — but optimism is missing!

Why is optimism an important ingredient for success? What makes some people view the glass as half full while others see it half empty? How are depression and pessimism related? Are optimists born or made? Can we unlearn pessimism? What can parents do to help their children grow optimistically?

My family, at least three generations deep, suffers from a genetic predisposition towards clinical, chronic depression. It would be fair to say that I didn’t have the happiest of role models when I was growing up.

I’ve never been diagnosed with depression (other than PMS-related symptoms). Why did I escape depression while many of my family members did not?

A therapist, who my entire family visited when I was a teenager, suggested that I had learned to cope by taking on the role of “hero child” in our dysfunctional family. The hero child is the one who fantasizes that if she accomplishes enough, then the whole family will be OK. The hero child is overly conscientious, over achieving, and constantly seeks approval. As the hero child of my family, it was my “job” to help everyone see the light and function well. I became our family’s cheerleader of optimism.

Then as a young adult, my experiences as an animal trainer and behaviorist taught me some useful cognitive skills. (Apparently rats, cats, dogs and humans tend to learn in similar ways!) I discovered how to avoid learned helplessness (giving up because you feel unable to change things) and how to reinforce my sense of personal control. In turn, personal control leads to optimism; and optimism can protect against depression, better your physical and mental well-being, and increase your level of achievement.

I’m reading a fascinating book: Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. Using evidence gleaned from scientific research done with dogs and people, Seligman demonstrates how optimism enhances the quality of life, explains how to break an “I give up” habit, and offers advice for parents who want to help their child(ren) become empowered by optimism.

What is a pessimist? Pessimists tend to:

believe bad events are enduring (will last a long time)
believe misfortunes are their own fault
undermine everything they do
get physically sick more often
get depressed more often
give up more easily

Optimists, who are dealt the same hard knocks, tend to:

believe defeat is just a temporary setback
believe defeat is confined to this one case
believe defeat is not their fault: circumstances, bad luck or other people brought it about
perceive bad situations as a challenge and try harder
do better in school and college
do better at work
do better in sports
exceed the predictions of aptitude tests
be more apt to be elected into public office
enjoy unusually good health
age well
live longer

How can I help my child learn optimism?

My daughter’s life didn’t start out well: she was abandoned at birth by a mother who could not/would not raise her; placed in a neglectful foster care situation for nine months; then uprooted from her native country to live in a place where very few look like her. In addition to these early traumatic events, maybe her birthmother suffered from depression during her pregnancy (aware that she’d have to give up her baby), which could have affected her developing fetus. When we adopted our daughter, she was emotionally withdrawn and shutdown.

What affects a child’s level of optimism? According to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of Learned Optimism, there is evidence for three kinds of influences:

How parents analyze and explain everyday occurrences: If my child hears me explain things optimistically, she will too. Optimism is learned. It is important that parents serve as positive role models.
The form of criticisms a child hears when she fails: If they are permanent (“You always make such a big mess”) and pervasive (“You are a slob”), her view of herself will turn toward pessimism. If the criticisms she hears have a temporary and specific message (“Your room tends to be messy after you have friends over to play“), she will be hopeful, empowered and optimistic.
The reality of her early losses and traumas: If her losses and trauma are permanent and pervasive, the seeds of hopelessness will be deeply planted. If they remit, she will develop the theory that bad events can be changed and conquered.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter’s strong spirit. She inspires me to see the glass as half full every day. Together, we practice optimism… and we blossom.

Considering the far-reaching and long-lasting effects that optimism has in all of our lives, I wholeheartedly recommend reading Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. It’s a national bestseller for good reason.

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Is The Key To Wealth Found In A Book?

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:45:17 +0000

I often scan the business and finance section at our bookstore for new book covers. Virtually every week, I find new titles. Row upon row of money books. How many ways can money be discussed? Which one holds the key to wealth and financial freedom? More importantly:

If the answer to wealth is revealed between the covers of the books proliferating in bookstores, why aren’t more people wealthy?

Take my mom, for instance. Despite her intelligence, upper-grad college education and vibrant energy, she struggled financially her entire life. She passed away a few years ago, penniless.

My mom was an avid reader. My inheritance consisted of boxes filled with books — including a large assortment on the topic of personal finance. If the cure to her financial woes was sitting on her bookshelf, why didn’t her money life thrive?

I am convinced that achieving wealth and financial freedom takes more than understanding how to make, save and invest money. Becoming wealthy is the product of factors more fundamental — and complex — than math.

I really didn’t do anything extraordinary to become a millionaire. No grand inventions, no Fortune 500 company, no big paychecks. I applied basic money principles and they worked. I ask myself, why did I apply these principles, but not my mom? What does it take? Why have I achieved financial freedom while others have not?

While I do have a few explanatory thoughts, I struggle to answer this question succinctly.

I’ve been told more than a few times that I appear to think differently than the crowd. Is the key to my personal and financial success in these five words?

When I was 30, I told my husband, friends and family that I wanted to be financially free by forty.

“Yeah, yeah, and who doesn’t? Best of luck with that!”, they replied.

Undeterred, I studied money books and personal finance web sites and drafted a lifetime financial plan. When I shared my plan with my husband, he remarked skeptically, “If it’s that easy, why isn’t everyone doing it?”

My response to him was:

they don’t know how to do it,
they aren’t aware of the possibilities,
they don’t want it bad enough, and/or
they haven’t made the choice to do what it takes.

Today, I’d add two more reasons:

they don’t have (or haven’t developed) the capacity to delay gratification, and/or
they believe their personal life circumstances prohibit it.

I’m working on a chapter in my book right now about the key personal characteristics that unlock financial success. What are the key factors that help you? Hinder you? Do the reasons I’ve outlined above speak to you? Why or why not? Please share your insights and experiences in the comments or send me a private email if you’d prefer. I appreciate your feedback.

In my next post, I’ll share the very specific factors that I attribute to my own personal finance success.

photo credit: gaspi *your guide

Lose The Extra Weight and You Are Likely To Increase Your Wealth

Learn From Successful Entrepreneurs Who Have BTDT (been there, done that)

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:22:48 +0000

Brian was tired of making other people wealthy. He no longer felt in control of his earnings as an employee. One day not too long ago, Brian Schwartz told his wife that he wanted to quit his 9 to 5 job and become his own boss.

Brian, the primary bread winner for his family, had never been an entrepreneur before. His astute wife put him to a test — she told him he could quit his job, after he interviewed 50 entrepreneurs.

The vast majority of small businesses fail. Why? And what does it take for an entrepreneur to succeed? Brian discovered the answers to these questions and more by asking those who have BTDT (been there, done that). Armed with a list of 13 pertinent questions, Brian met with over 50 entrepreneurs. I was one of them. Brian’s end result? An army of role models and mentors, a 245 page biographical encyclopedia, his wife’s blessings, and a new business that he is already turning into a franchise.

Recently, I turned the tables and interviewed Brian. Our ten minute discussion comes in two video parts:

In Part One, I ask Brian:

What was your motivation behind launching 50 Interviews?
Did you quit your job after publishing the book?
From everything you learned through your interview process, what was your most surprising finding?
Do you think successful entrepreneurs are born or made?

(Email subscribers, you’ll need to click here to view the video on my blog page.)

In Part Two, Brian responds to these questions:

Among the 50+ entrepreneurs you interviewed, what characteristics do they share in common?
What do you see as the biggest barriers confronting a wanna-be entrepreneur?
Upon publishing 50 Interviews, you quit your own job to become an entrepreneur yourself. Have you encountered challenges that you didn’t expect?

(Email subscribers, you’ll need to click here to view the video on my blog page.)

Brian’s book, 50 Interviews: Entrepreneurs, provides a short background about each business owner, then provides each entrepreneur’s answers — in their own words — to the following questions:

1. What was your initial start-up cost and source?
2. How long was it until you reached a positive cash flow?
3. Did you use a business plan?
4. What was the genesis of your business idea?
5. What is the vision of your company & the community you serve?
6. What is the passion that it fills for you personally?
7. Where do you see yourself and your company in ten years?
8. What were your biggest challenges? Looking back now, is there anything you wish you had done differently? What do you know now that you wish you’d known sooner?
9. What aspects of ownership are the most rewarding? Any unexpected rewards?
10. What do you attribute your success to? Luck, timing, someone who helped you?
11. How do you attract and retain the best employees? What is the most important attribute you look for?
12. Can you recommended any training or resources such as books, classes or websites? Do you recommend an MBA?
13. What slogan do you live by? What might your tombstone say?

The collective — yet very diverse — wisdom contained between the covers of the book 50 Interviews: Entrepreneurs is a godsend for any aspiring new business owner. If you are thinking about ditching the 9-5 grind for a business to call your own, spare yourself a few time-consuming and expensive hard knocks. Order a copy of the book 50 Interviews: Entrepreneurs by Brian Schwartz.