Millionaire Mommy Next Door » Inspiration

Don’t Be A Hen-Pecked Chicken; Be A Donkey and Declare Your Personal Independence!

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 04:13:49 +0000

Not long ago, I worked on a project (I’ll call it “Project Chicken Little”) that took me back — emotionally — to a time when I had to don a frock with a pinned-on name tag, drag myself to work and punch a time card. I hadn’t felt so disempowered, nor shed so many tears of frustration and indignation, in over two decades.

Independence Day

In the United States, Independence Day (the Fourth of July), is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.

For me, Independence Day also serves as a celebration of my personal emancipation from the Squashdom of the Great Pee-On Culture.

Hen-Pecked Chicken

“Hi! I’m Jen Smith. And you?”

“I’m just one of the grunts.”

“Grunt? No, no, I mean, what is your name?”

“Oh, you want to know my name?!”

This was the flavor of introduction I received from a few of the team members I worked with during Project Chicken Little. It quickly became apparent to me that I had stepped into a “squashdom”: a hierarchical culture where respect is withheld from those who are deemed less worthy in an attempt to hold them lower in the pecking order.

We sometimes refer to the pecking order in human cultures but the expression really comes from the order of superiority that chicken flocks establish. The Alpha Rooster or Alpha Hen wins the position of dominance by pecking everyone else. The rest of the flock establishes a pecking order descending to the lowest chicken who gets pecked by everyone — but doesn’t dare peck anyone back.

Within Project Chicken Little, polite niceties such as saying Please and Thank You flowed in one direction only — upward. Those higher in the ranks pecked their subordinates with terse commands and reprimands, rolled eyes, and biting sarcasm. Rank and file were further reinforced by mandating extraordinarily long work hours, delaying meal breaks, and making members of the flock feel badly if they attempted to attend to their personal needs. Those lower in rank scurried to and fro, often stumbling over one another in their vain efforts to avoid being randomly and unmercifully pecked by the Alpha Chicken.

Project Chicken Little was a painful reminder to me of a time when, over two decades ago, I worked as a veterinary hospital receptionist earning just over minimum wage. The office manager (my direct supervisor) was an Alpha Hen — in fact, the flock pee-ons she kept under her wing called her “Big Bird” whenever she was out of earshot. Big Bird and I often butted heads because I had the “audacity” to suggest what I thought were brilliant alternatives to bloated, ineffective, outdated Standard Operating Procedures.

One day, Big Bird took me aside and said, “Jen, you have a smart mind and strong opinions. I realize that you have some good ideas about how this business could be improved, but you need to understand that you are not in charge here; I am. The veterinarians own this company and they hired me to tell you what to do. You are just an employee. You need to do things my way”.

Her reprimand was a pivotal moment for me. Rather than scurry along with my head cowed low, I decided I wasn’t cut out (nor willing) to be “just” a hen-pecked employee.

I began planning my escape: I drafted a business plan, presented a win-win collaborative project to my employers, and started moonlighting after hours. I devised a plan that would make my employers happy: I offered to teach dog-training classes in the veterinary hospital’s backyard so they would have an exciting new service to offer clients — and they wouldn’t have to pay me to do it! In turn, I would become self-employed with no start-up costs and minimal operating expenses, and I’d receive a steady stream of referrals to fill my classes with paying customers.

I became the boss of me. I was free of Big Bird’s relentless pecking.

The Chicken Who Crossed The Road

One of the perks of being financially free and the boss of me is that I can be selective with who I work with. I have been known to turn away potential customers when I don’t find the risk to reward ratio favorable. I exercise my freedom and choose not to work with difficult, snotty, or grumpy people.

However, I was contractually obligated to complete the task for Project Chicken Little. I felt trapped. My concerns and complaints were met with defensive attitudes. My dignity, self-respect, happiness, personal value-system and independence were threatened. My physical needs were pushed aside as well — an erratic, chaotic, last-minute schedule was imposed upon me in such a way that my sleep schedule was altered, my dietary needs were often ignored, and I was forced to put my family in second place behind work. I was tired, hypoglycemic and felt like sh!t. Consequently at the end of each day, I knew I hadn’t performed the job as well as I had intended and I was drowning in disappointed.

Midway through my one week term, I had an emotional breakdown. I had nearly chewed a hole in my tongue in a ridiculous attempt to keep the peace but eventually, I could no longer hold my tears of frustration and indignation back. I had nothing left to lose — I let the floodgates open and rocked the boat. I told the Alpha personalities how I felt, expressed my opinions, and insisted upon incorporating my personal and emotional needs into the project.

If they wanted to fire me for being “difficult” then by all means, please do! With nothing left to lose, this chicken was eager to cross the road.

Be The Donkey

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down a well. The animal cried
piteously as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed
to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth the time and
trouble to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him and
they began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then,
to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the
well. He was astonished at what he saw. When each shovel of
dirt hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of
the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty
soon, everyone cheered as the donkey stepped over the edge
of the well and happily trotted off!

(author unknown)

Project Chicken Little was boot camp for my personal empowerment muscles — ones that haven’t had to face such challenges for many years. As difficult as this experience was, it served to remind me of the pecking order culture that exists for so many working people. I believe I can empathize more now with the people I coach who feel stuck in a job they hate, or who feel obligated to act in a capacity that squashes them.

In the end, I wasn’t fired and I didn’t quit. I crossed the road and the flock chose to join me. I think it dawned on the Alpha Roosters and Alpha Hens that the flock had to work together; EVERY one of us played a vitally necessary part in the project. Small acts of respect and kindness began flowing both ways. I saw smiles and I heard brays of laughter. Together, we started working as a team. And we got ‘er done.

Are YOU an Alpha Rooster or Alpha Hen? If so, LISTEN UP!

If you make your team members feel there is little they can do to affect the organization’s performance (and their own future), they will not be motivated to work beyond the minimum demanded of them. They will be reluctant to take on responsibilities. They will feel badly about themselves which in turn, will make them feel unable to succeed. This negative cycle creates people who do no more than follow orders. With everything depending on the few people at the top, executives become bottlenecks that constrain the performance of the entire organization. Stop making chicken sh!t.

I wish you all, my dear readers, a “redonkulous” Independence Day!

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What Stands Between YOU And The MONEY You Want?

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:02:39 +0000

What stands between you and your financial success? In my experience, big life changes happen when you are willing to identify these two things:

1) What do you want money to do for you? Try this: Imagine that your fairy godmother sprinkles magic dust upon you while you sleep tonight. Her magic removes all obstacles from your path and makes everything possible for you. When you wake tomorrow morning, what will you do? Where will you be? Who will be with you? How will you spend your day? How will you spend your money? Describe your ideal day — from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep at night. Include your five senses — what do you see, hear, smell, taste, touch?

2) What is holding you back from having your ideal day; your ideal life. Is it money? If so, what is keeping you from having enough? This is very important to pinpoint because you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. Following is a sampling of the things I hear from my coaching clients and readers. I’ve placed the often heard statements into a readers’ poll. I plan to address the most common obstacles in the future, so please help me by selecting as many options as ring true for you and your situation. (Note: Email and RSS feed subscribers, you’ll need to click through to this blog post to use the embedded poll.) Please add any obstacles, habits, excuses or emotions that I missed into the comments section. Feel free to elaborate about your reactions to this exercise as well. I think this could be a very interesting conversation — thanks for participating!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Want To Be Rich And Happy? You NEED To Know This…

Millionaire Mommy Next Door — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 01:31:02 +0000

I’m going to share something with you today that you really need to understand – on a gut level – before you can be rich and happy. Are you ready? Here it is:

Even if you learn ALL there is to know about money (how to make it, save it, invest it), if your relationships with others OR YOURSELF are dysfunctional, you will NEVER reach your full abundance potential.

Years ago, I used to bitch, moan and complain with certain people because it seemed to bring us closer together. Misery likes company, so I sometimes feigned misery so these people would like me. I didn’t want to make anyone feel jealous or envious either, so I talked myself down. It seemed so PC (politically correct).

I learned the hard way that this didn’t do anyone any favors. I curbed this behavior… and I grew wealthy and happy.

I hear from these certain individuals now only when something difficult is occurring in my life. When I’m all smiles and gratitude, I rarely hear a peep from them.

Similarly, a reader suggested that I make some people feel depressed by expressing my satisfaction, gratitude and happiness. He/she said that I should express more humility instead.

Perhaps my blog’s traffic would increase if I discussed the mess my past bookkeeper made of our financial records (and the subsequent late report penalties), the slow down of our plumbing business during the Great Recession, the exhaustion I feel after two back-to-back colds, or the disturbing mystery behind my still missing sister-in-law. We all know that bad news sells. The media is full of tragedy, fear and despair because it works to increase circulation and readership.

But I don’t want to write about bad things, even if it would drive my blog’s traffic to new heights. Sure, bad news sells, but I don’t want to invite that kind of attention. If I focused on hardships, I’d feel like a car wreck on the side of the highway – the type that drivers can’t help but slow down to gawk at (even though we know we’ll get grossed out). I’d be attracting negative thoughts into my mind and people that choose to focus on negativity into my life. No, thanks!

I write to express myself and to share the steps I take to live a fuller, richer, happier life. By doing so, I actively practice my intentions and keep aligned on what is important to me. It brings a higher caliber of relationships into my life, and it gives me the strength to deal with the occasional curve ball thrown my way.

Here are some of the valuable lessons I’ve learned through the University of Hard Knocks:

We become the company we keep. Like attracts like. Be negative and you’ll attract negativity; be positive and you will attract positive relationships into your life.

Limit your exposure to toxic people. We all have them – friends, family or co-workers – that seem hell-bent on bringing us down to their level. Immunize yourself from their poison by maintaining healthy personal boundaries. Don’t be a martyr, learn to say no. When someone near you behaves badly, don’t engage with them — walk away if you must. Be a positive role model instead. Perhaps you’ll inspire them (when they are personally ready) by modeling a different, healthier attitude.

Envy and jealousy will get you exactly what you don’t want. Acknowledge these feelings, then release them and let go. Compare yourself not to others, but only to your best self.

Don’t be pressured into humility. Definitions of humble include:

cause to feel shame; hurt the pride of
low or inferior in station or quality
marked by meekness or modesty

These definitions don’t fit with a healthy, positive self-esteem, do they?

Choose to use different language. The language you use directs your actions and therefore the path your life takes.

Avoid three dirty little words: try, can’t, and but.
When someone asks, “how are you?” don’t whine back, “I stepped in dog puke getting out of bed this morning, then I burned my toast, and now I gotta suffer through a dentist appointment…”. Instead, respond with something that is joyfully perfect in your world like, “I just had thee best grilled cheese sandwich for lunch!”

Limit your exposure to mass media. Pull the plug on bad news. Be selective – record uplifting, humorous and educational programs and keep the boob-tube turned off otherwise. I don’t know who was murdered, what poor child was abducted and from where, and who blew up how many people today, and you know what? I don’t want to know!

Focus on the bright side of life. I promise – there is always a bright side! What you think about is what you will get. Practice this skill by keeping a gratitude journal.

Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Live your life from this day forward.

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